Prompt: Beyond avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

The obvious answer here is RESPOND TO THE PROMPTS AS THEY COME OUT...but I have been too busy...and also the prompts have helped me be more attentive to stuff and thus let these slide...The truth is that I don't like to do anything online on the weekend...I think too much internet is a bad thing and so I go offline SAT and SUN and so I start the week behind on the prompts which is not my favorite situation to be in :)  Those of you who know me know what a HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT that is...and a long time ago, back in the day when I was the most list-oriented person I knew (one of my friends once said to me, "don't forget to write 'make a list' on your list"), I realized that there were two things driving me insane:

1) not being able to get everything on my list done

and

2) not being able to do them in the most efficient order possible.

My first breakthrough here came when I abandoned efficiency as the be it and end all of my life plan.  So what if I have to double back to pick up the dry cleaning...whatever!  So that was a big relief.  But the most liberating of all was the day I realized that if something doesn't get done on my to-do list, maybe it doesn't need doing...OMG that was AMAZING!  Suddenly I no longer had to carry all these partially crossed-off lists that I would then recombine with my new list only to not be able to finish my list....again!  The dai;ly defeat plan of my life!!!

Now I even go list-free (sometimes).  SO will I do it?  Catch up on the posts?  Maybe.  GO back to list-lock, NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!

Prompt: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

I learned that it takes me  A LOT longer to do things than I think it will/should.  Realizing this has helped me plan my time better and also recognize that if it takes me longer to do things than I think it might, than probably other people need more time than I give them...How will I apply this lesson?  Well, I've already started giving myself more time to finish things and also expecting others to need more time than I might like :)...And also that I will get the stuff done that I need to get done.....just not always on the schedule I want...cue Stones song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toiM1B6E2ww

Prompt: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

TIME!  Time is the thing I have come to appreciate the most...time to see people, time to do things, time to not do things (this is the time I seem to have the least of!), time to run, time to hang with the girls, time to talk with Larry, time to read the newspaper.  I get up an hour before I "have to" so as to have time to talk with Larry and get my mind together.  I love this extra hour, even though we tend to "waste" it reviewing basketball scores, trades, or sign-n-trades, loose-ends of conversations we don't really "need" to have.  I express gratitude for having time by getting up early, by finding the extra patience I need for the girls when they don't have as much time as they would like, by calling a friend to just check in, by doing these blog posts...

Prompt: Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

Running!  Running is the way I can think and be in my body at the same time...especially riunning with Larry in Cape Cod.  Love it!!!  and now that it's gotten colder I really miss it!  So I've started back at the gym--which I like a lot less, but at least I don't totally miss that wonderfully  fyscially phat pheeling I get from running.

Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

11 things!  That's a lot of things, yo!  I'll have to get back to you on this! In the meanwhile:  help me out people!  What can I get rid of?

Prompt: Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

OK-this is an easy one!  Moving back to Cambridge last December in anticipation of my sabbatical year was the wisest decision of 2010. Even though it was made in 2009, it set the stage for 2010 in that the girls had to start a new school mid-year and the whole family had to scramble, it allowed us to see my mother a whole bunch more times in 2010 than we would've had we waited until the end of the school year. It allowed me to take her to her sister's memorial service in February and see everyone together which meant a lot to her and everyone else.  

But if you don't want to accept a decision made in 2009 for 2010, I do have two other decisions that qualify.  One was to accept the offer for the girls to switch to Amigos--the bilingual school here in Cambridge--even though they had already switched schools b/c of the move.  They are doing so much better there and we are thrilled that they are learning spanish.  And all the other families we've gotten to know have added lots of fun and interest to our lives.  This was definitely a great move and the girls have really risen to the occasion, showing us once again just how amazing they are.  It was good to believe they could handle it and even better to see them move up to the challenge and make it.

The other wise decision was to get on the plane that day when the nurse called about my mother.  I did not hesitate after talking to her because it just sounded that bad...I did not hesitate even though it meant calling some people I don't know that well to set the girls up so I could leave.  And I did not hesitate when I got to the airport and had to pay 650.00 for a ticket on the shuttle to DC.  That one really did call for resolve...that's a lot of money!!  And how do you figure you get your money's worth on that one?  If she didn't die would that have been a "waste"?  Yeah, that's crazy talk and I knew it...but after all, we constantly have money problems so just plunking down the card and saying "FTS, I'm going" was hard...also because to be that resolved meant accepting the possibility that she was going to die up front...the whole thing took a lot.  But wow, what a good decision!  Getting on the plane w/o further consultation, activated my older brother into believing it was that bad, and allowed us all to get there together in the same frame of mind.  We were there, together, with our mother and saw her through what was probably one of the worst days of her life.  I'm really sorry it had to be that bad, but she was always a fighter and she just fought right up until the end.  Now she's gone and we were there to see her go, as sad as that is, it's also what I wish for everyone.  Standing there with my brothers, together again, united in our wish that our mother be spared the suffering...yes, that was one helluva good decision.

Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

My nephews' joint bar mitzvah was definitely the EVENT of the year.  I had never been to a bar mitzvah before so I didn't know what to expect.  I had heard that at this point in time things had gotten pretty deluxe..one kid rented Yankee stadium and had some famous rapper there or whatever...stuff like that.  Jacob and Jeremy had a joint party--to economize b/c these things cost mega bucks.  The fact that they did that already made them the coolest kids ever as far as I'm concerned.  I love it when kids are reasonable w/o being completely freakish about it.  I mean, of course, they wanted this insane party like all the other kids have had, but they also get it that there's a limit to what the family can comfortably do, and also that there are other things to spend money on that are more important.  So, that got me in the best mood...knowing that this was going to be extravagent but that they also had a conscience about it.  It made me proud to be part of this family.


So, that's the background.  Then they really solidified it when they did their "entrance."  You've got to understand that this is like being a rock star or an NBA basketball player or something...it's is all modeled on that kind of celebrity event stuff.  But these guys made their incredible closeness into incredible coolness:  as their names were announced, the light went to the doors which swung open and in come these two guys riding piggy-back.  It was LOVELY...I busted out crying.  SO SENTIMENTAL!!  And I loved it.  Especially, again, because they took this kind of kitchy moment that could just be disgusting and made it into something sweet and meaningful: they couldn't have gotten there without each other was what the gesture said to me and I loved it. 

But wait, the party was AMAZING.  They had this DJ who was in the crowd, working the kids, knew all their names and obviously just LOVED what he was able to do to get these kids excited and in the mix.  The music was so loud that I felt transported back to the bad old days of Studio 54, CBGBs, after hours clubs.  I spent the entire party on the dance floor.  I saw no reason to attempt conversation b/c the music was so loud and also why would I pass up the chance to be in what turned out to be the best club environment w/o the usual peril of mashers, drunks, etc.  These kids are too young to drink and most of the adults barely touch booze.  So, again, all the fun w/o the hassles.

Then there were the dancing helpers, a Jr dj guy and girl who would engage different kids in dances, teach steps and just generally keep the thing going.  My favorite moment was when the guy put this one kid on his shoulders and danced him into the center of the crowd...the wonderful sense of shared pleasure this created was just amazing.  And I think it was during  "I Wanna Be  A Millionare" which just generates such good energy...I LOVE THAT SONG.

That's right: I'm 49 and had the blast of my life at my nephews' bar mitzvah.  What could be better? 

Prompt: Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.

Prompt: Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful .http://www.reverb10.com/

I'm coming late to this project but I am all in.  That's one of the things that makes me different.  I like to jump into stuff that seems worthwhile, even if I am not at the starting point.

I am also the "just admit it" kind, the person who will go ahead and say the thing people don't want to say but some folks want to hear...in the sense that, once it's said, there is a sense of relief, like when try to find some one else who also saw, heard, thought something that you've seen, heard, thought.  I believe that just getting it out there is a major accomplishment and that it provides a starting point for generating the next step(s).   Like jumping in described above, just admitting it can be irritating to some, and certainly somewhat nerve wracking to me, but in the end, it's who I am and that's that.


I am also--in a further iteration of the jumping in, just admit it, style--very experimental.  I like to try stuff, with the knowledge that change and adjustment can and will take place.  Again, sometimes a little nerve wracking, esp when you're experimenting on a broader scale, with people who may be a little less enthusiastic about not knowing the exact outcome, but I've been coming to appreciate those people more over time...seeking their feedback as a kind of check point.  

Most of all, I am a believer and as difficult as it has been over the years to believe in whatever needs believing in, I've been more frightened by the moments when  I have lost the ability to believe than in some of my most wacko beliefs, so, I'm going to just keep believing, wishing, dreaming...like the song goes:  

you've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how you going to have a dream come true?